Death of a Child

Tuesday, Al Douglas’ childhood friend, Ewan, (yet a close friend as Al received an email from him just 2 hours prior), was struck and killed while riding his bicycle.

On Monday, a 16-year-old boy drowned while swimming with six friends near North Platte.

I’m reminded of the four girls killed in a fiery car wreck near Gretna last June.

I’m thoughtful of the death of infant Jonathan Bothwell on May 24, 2007 and born on May 26.

In a recent musing I mentioned the death of a toddler ran over by a car some 60 years ago.

We remember the death of Matthew Alexander 05/06/07 while in Iraq serving us in the Army.

How gut wretching is the death of a child or the death of a life-long friend in an accident!

The first phase of grief is mostly dominated by weeping, shock, disbelief and numbness with family and friends sitting near and holding.  It is full of…  “No, this can not be!” “No, not me!”  “No!”  It is marked by sleeplessness and emptiness.

The second phase of grief is dominated by the question, “Why?” and times of anger.  “Why” is asked by nearly everyone – especially by a spouse, parents, and/or children.  “Why me/us?”  “Is God punishing me?”  “Is God not love?”  “Is God not able?”  “Is God not present?”  “Is God not real?”  “If God is none of those – then fate.  But why us?”  “Why do others successfully carry to term, rear to adulthood, and see their child live a rich and full life?  Why not us?”

So what is the answer to “Why?”

First, is there a God or is it fate or luck?  While many deny this: there is a God.  The periodic chart (preciseness), man being a moral being (guilt), the complexity of life (consider a mosquito), man’s bent to worship, the order of the universe – all scream, “GOD!”  There is a God!

Second, is this God good, tainted, or evil?  John 3:16, For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son…  Romans 8:32, He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?  God is love!

Third, if God is and is loving and is giving, why the death of this dear one?

1. God’s ways are not our ways.  Isaiah 55:8, For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.  It is actually impossible for us to comprehend the “why” as the whole of the universe is in His mind while we can only grasp but a sliver.
2. God allows some things in order to bring about good.  Genesis 50:20, But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.  God knows the future and is working through today in order to impact the future – such is, again, not ours to comprehend.
3. God doesn’t owe us an answer as He has already shown over and over that He is good and righteous.  Lamentations 3:22, Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  Realize that He has protected and provided far more than ever deserved.  Be thankful.  Psalm 116:5, Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; Yes, our God is merciful.

4. God cares.  Psalm 116:15, Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.  Ezekiel 18:32, “For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies,” says the Lord God. “Therefore turn and live!”  Standing before an occupied tomb, Jesus wept, John 11:35.
5. God supports and helps.  I Corinthians 10:13, No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.  God is faithful to limit the impact and help move the one grieving through the difficult days ahead.

Job questioned God’s allowing the destruction of his business, children, health, marriage and life.  Job cried out, “Why?”  He never got an answer!  What he received was God pressing him to understand God’s absolute wisdom and to trust Him.  Job submitted and God carried him.